Pizza Shit

Hey guys. Your bitch is baaaaack. Now I’m not going to lie to you and pretend I wont go ghost again, I damn sure will, but in this moment, you gonna learn how to make a mother fucking pizza from scratch boo. This is your tried and tested gayl back at it with new tings for your tummy. 

I took some time to figure out the best methods in making a good pizza dough and I am pretty happy with this version. Like the pizza, I will be taking my time vetting the other recipes I have lined up more rigorously than usual but I will get into that when I get into that. Today, is pizza day. Before we even begin I would like to let you know that this dough recipe yields about four pizzas but it is ok to freeze them (That was part of my extensive, actually lazy hoe, testing).

What y’all hoes need


  • 2 1/2 Warm (Body temperature) water
  • 1 tsp sugar
  • 2 tsp instant yeast
  • 7 cups bread flour
  • 1 1/2 tsp salt
  • 6 tbsp extra virgin olive oil (and 2 tbsp extra)


  • 1 can whole tomato
  • A palmful of fresh basil
  • Two cloves chopped garlic
  • As much cheese as you can handle
  • Any additional toppings of your choosing (Mince, roasted red pepper and jalapeño for the pictured)
  • 2 tbsp olive oil
  • 4 tbsp liquid vegetable stock



How y’all hoes make it

  • in a bowl, mix water sugar and yeast until everything is hydrated, the mixture should form bubbles on the top after 5 minutes if it is alive, if not, try again with a newer packet of yeast.
  • In a large bowl sieve in bread flour and form a well in the middle of the bowl.
  • Pour olive oil, followed by yeast mixture directly into the well of flour.
  • Gradually mix all of the contents together until flour is completely hydrated.
  • Lightly flour a clean surface and turn dough onto this surface to kneed for 10 minutes up until the dough bounces back once poked.
  • Lightly oil a large bowl and place needed dough covered in cling wrap in the fridge to rise over night, no more than 48 hours (24 hours is best in the fridge but one hour in a warm place will do if you are in a hurry) the longer it rises the better the taste
  • Once risen, lightly flour your surface and turn dough over again for kneading for two minutes, the dough should come together and look smooth again.
  • Cut dough into portions of four (you can freeze the remaining dough for a month, once ready to use allow to defrost in the fridge and continue on)
  • Reshape dough into a ball and allow to rise for another hour. 
  • While dough is rising, prepare toppings
  • Into a blender, combine tomato, basil and garlic and blend to a smooth consistency.
  • In a pan at medium heat, cook down tomato mixture until it is almost dry, stirring at regular intervals
  • Gradually add vegetable stock into the tomato paste until in thins to a spreadable consistency, allow to cool completely thereafter.
  • Grate fresh cheese for topping
  • Preheat the oven to the highest temperature available
  • Once risen, roll out the dough to your desired thickness (3mm for thin base) and put on a flipped over baking tray (no need to use baking paper or grease, it will slide off on its own)
  • Paint a tablespoon of oil over the rolled out base
  • Top base with a half the prepared amount of sauce into an even layer.
  • Sprinkle cheese over base (If you would like to include other toppings ensure to precook and cool before topping) and place in the preheated oven for 15 minutes or up until the edges begin to char. 
  • Remove from oven and allow to slightly cool before topping with herbs (i included chopped basil) and serving
  • Enjoy.


What the hoes like?

Well, I’ve had quite a bit of fun playing around with and making this bad boy. I played around with a bunch of different recipes and this is the crowd pleaser so far. I like how stable and crisp the base gets and leaving the dough to rise for 24 hours really allows for subtle flavours to develop, also I’m lazy so its great that I can forget it and it comes out awesome. 

I like the amount of control comes from preparing my own tomato paste, but if you wanna please go right head and buy it with your lazy ass, just make sure it is a type that will pair well with your other toppings.


Okay but this hoe was also tasty as fuck. I made a few different pizzas with varying topics and all were bomb and held up well. This is the type of thing I will make when I have one of those fancy big ass double door ovens and can have a pizza making party with friends where I can bake all four at the same time, these are the things I dream about guys. Until I get my fancy oven, I’ll just make this one at a time and wow my friends with my culinary excellence. 

Big importante, nobody wants a soggy bottom *Mary Berry voice* these are some key things to remember when making pizza:

    • The olive oil acts as a protective layer between the base and the sauce, do not skip this. Some people put the cheese on first then the sauce to avoid soggy bottoms, feel free to pick your preferred method, just protect your base.
    • Once you put on your sauces, work quickly, make sure all toppings are prepped and ready to go on. The longer the sauce sits, the more it will absorb into the base.
    • Precook your toppings, this allows water to evaporate prior to going on the pizza and releasing additional moisture in the oven.
    • Put your oven on the highest setting. Just do it. That bitch needs to be hot as fuck. If it’s not hot as hell, it wont be crispy, it will be lame. Nobody wants a lame pizza.
  • So yea, pizza is my new shit. A lazy mid-week meal and house guest pleaser. Go make this pizza my darling pop.What y’all hoes think?


4 thoughts on “Pizza Shit

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