Accursed Custard Tart

Ok, so I really wanted to start this post with an array of expletives but, New Year, new me?


But actually, fuck this custard tart out here stressing me out and giving me grey hair. Nah bruv, I can’t. Do you know how much trial and error I have endured? Do you know how many times I have disappointed my kin? Do you know that I smell like a human tub of Ultramel? Nah, I’m so over this thing. The last time anything has ever stressed me out this much was with that Fucking Vanilla Cake.

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Ok, I’m also being a bit dramatic. Yes, it caused me countless sleepless nights and disapproving looks from my sisters, BUT, man was it fun. Figuring out each failure and rectifying made me feel like I was the super smartest adult in the room, granted I live alone but hey, still the smartest adult in the room.

So, I made this thing a total of FOUR times. Three times was not the charm, no. Four times. Four times guys AND I still need to perfect my technique to get it perfect, but I will go over all failures and allow you to skip over them. Let me be your Kippie.

Ok honey bunnies, let us get to making a successful custard Tart. Oh, and full disclosure, this is like a mix of techniques and lessons from all four times wrapped into one fool proof tart.

But what do we need

250ml cream

250ml milk

1 vanilla pod, split

1 strip lemon zest

whole nutmeg/cinnamon stick

8 egg yolks

100g golden caster sugar


75g unsalted butter

190g All Purpose Flour

1 pinch salt

2 tablespoons sugar

½ cup icy water

And like, how?

Pastry Case

Combine cold butter, flour and salt in a large bowl quickly until it resembles sand. Do not over work or get the mixture warm.

Gradually add water until all is combined.

Wrap in cling film and allow to rest for 4 hours or over night

Once rested, roll out onto a floured surface and place in a tart tin.

Blind bake at 180 degrees Celsius for 15 minutes, remove baking beans and baking sheet and allow to further bake for 15 minutes. If you don’t have baking beans, prick holes over the base and sides, brush with a beaten egg and rest in the fridge for 15 minutes. Bake without beans for 25-30 minutes until baked through.


Custard filling

Reduce heat to 140 degrees Celsius.

Prepare while unbaked dough is resting.

Bring the cream, milk, vanilla pod, lemon zest and a small grating of nutmeg /cinnamon to the boil. Beat the egg yolks with the sugar until pale, then pour the hot milk and cream over, beating as you go. Beat quickly as not to allow the eggs to cook. Strain custard into a jug, allow froth to settle for a few minutes.

Pour the custard into the tart case, grate some more nutmeg over the top and bake for 40 mins or until just set with the very slightest wobble in the middle. Remove from the oven, trim the pastry edges off, then leave to cool before.


What did we learn

OK, so its not the most perfectly, perfect looking thing but hey, I’m also out here learning mayne, be patient with me. You know I can’t make the pretty just yet. So, let’s go over my failures and help you avoid certain pitfalls.

Try 1. Ok, this one was just bad hey. So many things went wrong so let’s list them quick: the recipe called for double cream which made the custard way too rich for me and resulted in splitting. I ran out of vanilla, so I just used Almond essence, it wasn’t great, it wasn’t bad, I just don’t know how to feel about it. Some of the custard spilled out of the tart while baking and spilled all over the oven and burned and resulted in it being smoked, my brother-in-law asked me if it was a braaied custard….


Try 2. The recipe did not require blind baking, so I didn’t……. and decreased the egg yolk and kept in some egg yolks And it spilled over again. Soggy Bottom Tart.

Try 3. I blind baked to approximately 80% cooked. Used 50% cream and 50% milk but it split.

Try 4. I decided to make tartlets with a combination of a few different recipes. I hated this the least, but bitch we learned and in future they will be perfect. Maybe at the end of this series I should do a young where are they now of recipes, so far, it’s this tart and the vanilla cake.



Warm the milk gradually n medium heat, do not allow to boil as the fat will split and make your filling oily

Place a sheet of foil underneath the tart tin to catch any potential spillage

Bake pastry case all the way through as the wet ingredients will make the inside casing slightly soggy again.

Use egg yolks only, I found the egg whites to give a weird greyish colour. I no like that.

If you are making a tartlet, don’t bother to put it in a muffin case, just butter the muffin tin liberally and you should be good to go. And just cut the pastry as is reflected below into these weird cross type things so that it can fit into the muffin tin.



As per usual, if you do not have All Purpose flour, you can continue to hack it with 45% cake flour and 55% bread flour mixed together.


So, the recipe above is really a mix of three recipes and some common sense.

In all honesty this is not a difficult thing to make but trial and error are an inevitable part of making this here thang.

P.S. Sorry for the shitty visuals. I dont think this bloody tart was about cooperating on any level.

But yea, go bake bitch. 🙂

3 thoughts on “Accursed Custard Tart

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