OOPS

Well this is embarrassing…..

 

Ok so we all know that this week was supposed to begin cake week, right? Well, that was a fucking flop. I don’t know what has been happening with me and the accursed Vanilla Cake. For some odd reason, over the past three odd months, all my attempts to bake a freaking simple Vanilla cake have ended in ungodly failures. Do I have pictures? Nope. It was too sad. It made me too sad. It made me CONSIDER crying, and trust me sir, that is very dramatic for me.

 

So boo, lets see this cake. Nah honey, that shit is dead and gone but I have spent countless hours on the World Wide Web looking for images that can accurately convey my experience with this cake. It looked like….

Stone.png

It tasted like….

images.jpg

I felt like….

images (1).jpg

And that is all she wrote.

 

While chatting to my bestie about this, he suggested I turn this baked vanilla rock into a tasty doorstop of learning. So, have a seat and consider my failures and how we should remedy this.

The first step in baking, more important than the ingredients even, is to understand your recipe. Read it, re-read it, tattoo it into your mind if you must, just make sure you understand the damn thing honey. Don’t ever bake anything without reading it first and being comfortable that you can do this. Baking is a deliberate and considered task, you don’t want to rush into baking something because you will be having visitors coming at noon only to find out that your bake needs to rest overnight.

“Ok Badi, it’s gone to shit, now what?” No sweat boo, just analyses what you have done, and try again. Often when I have made a mess it is because I made a mistake. Taste it, smell it, bounce it off the floor if you so please but allow yourself the opportunity to figure what you did wrong rather than throwing away your kitchen and never baking again. I have referred to my previous post about simply adding too much butter into the recipe and that led to a melty mess. After a detailed analysis of my actions and retrying, BOOM, success.

 

“Its still bad” throw that recipe out boo. Out the window. Start a fresh a fresh honey, there is nothing wrong with starting new. Use that for life advice too. Maybe you just picked up a shitty ass recipe and that’s fine. Allow yourself a chance to experiment and find new methods of doing things that may suit you better.

Finally it can really suck but shit, ain’t nothing you can do about it now other than go on. Go on boo and get creative, google fixes or turn it into an alternative dessert if it allows. Dry cake? Drizzle that bitch with simple syrup, cut it up and layer it with strawberries and cream, voila, dessert. Play around guys, it’s not that serious.

I’m at the throw the recipe out the window while it burns and watch that fucker float to the ground. Ok but on a serious not, I think I have developed some anxiety around vanilla cakes and that has caused the three-month curse, I need to take a step back, relax and start anew. It really is just a vanilla cake, its not that tough boo. Let’s pray that next week goes a little better. Since I have no picture of a cake, please see the random non-related picture below.

 

Hey, a girl must get her kicks somehow. 😉

5 thoughts on “OOPS

  1. Lamblovesthyme says:

    This made me laugh so hard! I have the same problems in my kitchen! I made a chocolate cake the other day and forgot the eggs.. it sunk in the middle! LOL!! Can’t wait to get my baking on.. so excited to learn from you!!

    Like

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